The Smile We Fake
There comes a day when you wake up and all you want to is to go back to sleep. Reality isn't what it used to be and doesn't mean as much to you anymore.
Even heaving yourself up from the bed seems like a job. You just throw your right arm over your eyes and stay there wondering for a minute: "Do I really need to wake up today?"
Life doesn't stop though and wait for you to come up to speed. It just goes on. Life has a momentum that is unnerving sometimes, irritating many a times and hard to keep up with most times.
Instead of actually talking to someone or clearing out issues, you just fall into your monotonous routine.
- Get out of bed
- Get that coffee going
- Pack your bags
- Pull out your clothes
- Cram in a sandwich
- Pick your stuff and rush
Talking to people takes effort on days like these. You realize how social others are, and how "not in the mood" you are. Time just doesn't go fast enough. Everything pulses to the same monotonous beat and all you can do is somehow go through the motions, get to the finish line. Except, at no time are you able to really let go and think for a while.
You plaster on that fake smile you muster from Heaven knows where and you deal with stuff as best as you can. It is most important that nobody notices. For if they do, there are going to be many questions. Questions you don't know the answers to. Questions that still need further consideration.
You don't need questions in your life right then. You just want the soothing familiarity of everything routine. People shouldn't know. It'll just take more effort on your part to make them understand. You'd rather pretend every single thing is in place and that everything is just peachy. Your plastered smile isn't as fake as you feel. You can still do this.
You count hours till the end of the day. Maybe even minutes. The routine helps though. It always helps. And so does the smile. "Fake it, until you make it", right?